-I'm alive! ~waves~

-I'm still in college. Shocking, I know. I was ready to get the hell out of there after a hellish first week but so far I've survived. Actually, finals start next week. Go me. I'm still wondering if I'm going to stay there for good though. So far I'm taking it one day at a time.

-I have a food blog. A baking blog to be exact. It's called Mademoiselle Fraise and it makes me ridiculously giddy because it keeps me active, gets me in the kitchen and... it's pink!

How are you? :)

I'm quite the terrible blogger. I guess that's a bit of an understatement considering my last entry was on January 1st, 2010.

Today was my first day back in college. It was awful. Between waking up at 6 AM (realizing that I'm stuck with this wake up time until August), your parking card not working and the fact that I did not know a single soul in class made me want to crawl underneath a rock and stay there until the end of the term. Everyone knew each other of course. They air kissed, complimented their tans and then took their seat, never missing a beat. Personally, I wondered how those girls could muster to put on so much make up in the morning.

I stood out in a painful manner. Nobody knew me therefore I did not exist. But I did and while everyone ignored me, I could feel they were also trying to figure me out. Who is she? Why haven't I seen her before?

My mind flashed with images of finely chopped fruits, perfectly rised souffles and Parliament. We all have our happy places, right? Mine is 4367 miles away from me to be exact. In London, England.

I didn't know what to do about my new powers of invisibility. Mentally coercing my brain to be sociable and smile was a blast though. There's only so much you can do with only four hours of sleep. The fact that more prepubescent youths will keep staring at me thinking 'who is this stranger bitch?' this entire week doesn't do wonders in the mood uplifting department. This leads me to the conclusion that I wasn't well socialized as a child.

I behaved contrary to how I did in high school. I sat in the front row, brought pen and paper and focused on all my attention on the teacher. It was all going well, he rambled, I pretend to care until he suggested (and by that I mean forced) the once lonesome assignment into groups.

Oy.

Murmurs grew in decibel around me. They were pairing up. I was trying to keep my eyes from jumping out of my sockets in pure anxiety. Luckily, three lost souls allowed me to become a member of their team. Mortification lowered considerably. They seemed nice. Not too scary.

We were dismissed. I took my newfound productivity that came from waking up at 6 AM to solve some issues. Such as: how many more courses would I need to take? Are classes on saturdays an option I can't avoid? Why isn't my parking card working? Do I really need to take a test to prove that I speak and write fluently in English? Could I have a cookie now?

Half of these issues remain largely unsolved even after spending two hours seeing to them. Oh wells~

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day. Yes/yes?

2009 has finally left us (taking all it's crap with it) and I couldn't be happier.

Ever since Grandfather got sick and then passed away in 2005, we haven't left the country to celebrate New Years. That used to be our tradition. See snow, drink champagne and spend it surrounded by our once-numerous family. Nowadays, we've had to adapt to these forced changes. Our new family tradition? A dinner party, normally accompanied by my brother-in-law's immediate family.

I had bought this gorgeous Barbie-inspired aquamarine mini dress with a sequin filled skirt in an outlet that was just screaming to be used. I decided to fulfill the dress' wish and took it for a stroll on the New Years Eve party. I needed to feel beautiful for the last remaining hours of 2009. Because I had felt like crap all year long. You've seen my pictures. I don't look a thing like a Barbie. Unless Mattel came out with teeny tiny latina Barbie. And not even then. When we arrived to our table, I felt as if every single pair of eyes was locked on us. In the bad way. All those glares made me feel momentarily smaller than I already am. Remember... teeny tiny latina 'Barbie'.

When you feel that way, the best thing to do is close your eyes, take a swig of champagne (or as I fondly call it on almost every single one of my manuscripts 'liquid courage') and tell yourself that everyone is just jealous. It worked on calming down my nerves.

After I calmed my nerves, I got cheeky and stood up various times from my chair just to twirl. You wanna look? Look ahead.

The dinner party was spent looking at people dance their way through a fast paced merengue, as couples held each other and shared smiles filled with longing and hope that the next decade wouldn't be as shitty as the one that was leaving us. I danced twice: once with my dad and the other with my brother in law. They were great sports but it didn't stop me from feeling that it sucked that I didn't have a youth to drag to the dance floor every single time I wanted.

Oh the pitfalls of nearly perpetual singlehood.

I love to dance even if I am not really good at it. There's just something about flailing to the beat of the music that makes me feel light and bubbly.

The night was also spent looking at the obscene chunk of cheesecake on my plate, which if you remember, I am not supposed to have because I am L.I. At some point, while the wine glasses came and went, I noticed we were missing the midnight grapes.

Mom has implemented this tradition in our family to eat twelve grapes at the stroke of midnight. I originally thought it was 12 wishes before a minute went by but it's actually one wish before a minute went by. It sounds silly but it's tradition. So we ran back to the apartment to get them.

2010 caught us walking back to our dinner table. Mom and I looked at each other and laughed. Then we shared a hug as we kept walking.

"Eat your grapes!" she insisted.

Me? I was too busy listening to everyone scream 'Happy New Year'. Almost automatically, I felt a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. All that pain, all those tears, all those frustrations and all that shit that came with 2009 was far, far away from me. I hope it keeps being that way.

I'm trying on 2010 and, so far, it feels wonderful.

Almost forgot about these. That tells you just how airy my mind is lately.

Who wants a Christmas Card from me? :) Please leave your address in a comment or shoot me an e-mail at nicky.messina@gmail.com with your address.

Looking forward to spreading some much needed Holiday cheer.

-I didn't get to finish my nano project. ~sigh~ I tried but life kept getting in the way. At least I wrote 10k. That's better than nothing! Here's hoping 2010 is better year for nano... and everything else.

-December is finally here! Let's hope the Christmas carols and all around festivities cheer me up. Mood has been below sea level this week.

-People suck. Like A LOT. What else is new?

-XmasPuppy! makes an appearance. Let us welcome him.

-Buttercup's new schedule is a bitch. She loves to wake up at 3:45 am every night until 2 pm. I love my hammie but SERIOUSLY? Momma needs some sleep.

-Anyone want Holiday Cards from me this year? Yay/nay?

I seem to have caught the new virus (properly nicknamed Sobeida 4.6) that is going around in the Little Island. To say I feel like shit is the biggest of all understatements. My body is actively playing dodge ball with the fever (YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! ... oh yes you can), my throat feels like I swallowed a pound of gravel and my extremities are freezing. AC is too cold and the room is too hot.

WHA WHA WHA.

To make matters worse I am moody. It's what happens when my body refuses to be comfortable. So watching 'Friends' is no longer satisfying or entertaining. Maybe it's time for Gilmore Girls?

I'm rambling. And no, I haven't nano-ed, thanks for asking. GAH.

I want ice cream. Or yogurt. Something cold for my throat. I guess ice will have to do. Damn you lactose intolerance!

I am really behind on my NaNoWriMo project. Ridiculously behind. So behind that if I were the type of person that would give up easily, I would've stopped a while ago. However, since I fancy myself a daredevil and I have a thing for being the underdog that WILL PULL THROUGH, I am still here. At 10,000 words at the end of week two. But do not worry, I will magically find time and I WILL FINISH THAT CRUMMY NOVEL. Yes I will.

In the meantime I am experiencing one of those moods that tend to manifest themselves days before your birthday. It isn't nice. It is certainly not helped by the fact that I was walking to the cashier on the supermarket up to my ears in canned dog food and this man... this piece of flesh just cuts in front of me and pays for his things. He simply said an "excuse me love" and set everything down and PAID. I wanted to claw him and kick him in the shin. Instead I just stood there with my mouth open because I couldn't believe it.

Men in this country, is it really that hard to learn some manners? Seriously? Do I need to create some sort of institution that teaches you all how to become true educated men? Let me know because I just might. It's getting to that point.

I know for a fact that not ALL men are like this. Some actually open the door for you and hold it ~LE GASP~. However there are the exception to the rule.

And if demanding education and courtesy makes me a bitch, so be it.

Off to watch "Casino Royale", see if my faith in mankind is restored by Daniel Craig and his sexiness. Sure helps that he has an ability to off people.

Happy November!

"Hey mom, guess what?"

"What?"

"It's November."

"Oh fantastic! It's almost your birthday!"

"And National Novel Writing Month..."

"Oh shit."

My thoughts exactly, my beloved mother.

16 days until my birthday. My social calendar is abnormally active. Officially, it's NaNoWriMo. I am hiding under my sheets in sheer terror as we speak.

To be honest I had been inclined to participate since my victory last year. Mid-2009 I had gotten some great music for inspiration, even greater pictures and a small character synopsis. I was ready. I was powered up.

Then October 31st crawled by.

I panicked. I didn't feel ready.

I still don't. Which is why my word count is currently 0. I am hoping that when the sun is out, that number changes.

So who is embarking on this psychotic journey with me? Raise your hands.

My sister took the camera with her on her Argentina/Peru trip. I'm having severe camera withdrawal symptoms. If I didn't have that possible Disney trip looming, I would waste all my savings on buying one.

No camera, no frequent blog posts. Life's sad that way.

The Jonas Brothers' concert is a few days away. I am a little excited. Teenager Central (this does not include me) is going beserk trying to figure out what hotel they're staying at, what airport they're going to land and where are they eating/living/breathing. Personally, I've never been a fan of celebrity stalking. Guess I am too cowardly and the thought of coming close to them and asking for an autograph or picture embarrasses me to no end. I do want to be courageous when the right time comes. Some day. Over the rainbow.