It is done! My sister has finally wed and now we can begin to recover from the amazing weekend hangover all the wedding guests have been plagued with.

( Txt + Pics )
(Pictures by Massiel Disla and BUFEO.com)

My sister is getting married this week. Friday to be more exact. My house is completely upside down because of it. My poor head has been under such strain due to the pressure, I just don't know what I'll do with myself. The gun has been looking pretty friendly under these circumstances.

When you watch one of those over-the-top crazy wedding movies, you probably think deep down like I once did: "Aw, come on be serious. Nothing ever gets that screwed up. All those freak-outs are not real. The dress is actually pretty, the bride doesn't look like roadkill and she won't have a meltdown over the right twinkly stone. And most of all, all the people involved in the wedding business are actually professionals and won't make you want to drill a hole into your head."

I come here to tell you, my dear friends, that anything that can possibly go wrong WILL go terrible and it's actually worse when it happens in real life without any of those fancy cameras rolling. Worst part is that you can't do anything about it except bite your lip and pray to the nearest saint for a quick end.

Name it and it's happened. The bride doesn't like her dress and cries? Check. The mother of the bride feels old in her dress with 5 days until the wedding? Check. The seamstress decides that she can't do such a complicated bridal dress? Check. The hotel loses all the reservations for the out of town guests and says there is no availability in the negotiated rate? Check. The decorator is doing a wedding the day after and it seems like he won't be able to do yours at all? Check. There is another big wedding on the same date? Check. The gossip columnist of the city decides to put the two weddings and compare them to see which will be bigger sending the bride in an insecurity induced frenzy? Check.

It doesn't help that this wedding has about... 600+ guests. Yeah. Pretty huge. It's the first of my parent's daughters that gets married so they thought it was appropriate to hold a celebration bigger than all of our birthdays combined.

So add all the stress that comes with a party that big plus all the normal happenings of life, because trust me, it doesn't stop or slow down or give you a ten second breather. It just runs you over and keeps going with you hanging unto the bumper for dear life. I mean do you think it was necessary for me to get my first ticket ever on a day like today for the stupidest reason on the face of the earth?! For holding the cellphone (it was actually OFF) in my hand whilst I drove? He actually recited the law that doesn't allow people to carry objects in their hands while driving (so no fries). Then he has the nerve to tell me that I could just drive away happily after he gave me the ticket.

Remind sister: Dress fitting at 3 pm with actual hairstyle ready.

You see? This wedding is slowly consuming my life! >< I can't even eat, sleep, bathe, blog in peace.

On the plus side, cristalmarie kicked off her US promo tour! ~ish excited~

You've been warned.

I am so happy I am practically quaking from the excitement. And I don't even know if "quaking" is an actual word but when I am so happy I don't really care.

First and foremost, I just finished the incredible "Hot Six" by Janet Evanovich and I am short from flinging myself off a building from the emotion build up. It was so good I finished it in 24 hours. I mean I gobbled it like I gobbled Harry Potter. I already ordered the missing Plum Boxed Set #4 from Amazon and it should be here next week. It's one of the best books I've read yet. Action-packed, romantic without the sappy, funny and nervewrecking all rolled up in a nice little book. I can't thank cristalmarie enough for introducing me to Janet (bookwise of course). I am addicted beyond belief! I must read all the Plum books as soon as possible. I might even take them to my sister's wedding next Friday.

Oy. That last sentence gave me the shivers.

On another exciting note, cristalmarie's awesome album is available in Amazon.com for download! Soon it will available in iTunes! If you got the CD they sell in the Dominican Republic then you will definitely want this one. And if you live in the US and you want it, go and get it! It has some tracks in French and English with, of course, the predominant Spanish soundtracks. It's fun, powerful and satisfies every mood that might strike you. Ballad? Check. Techno? Check. Saucy latin pop? Check. Awesomeness beyond belief? Check check. Fantastic, sultry voice? Check check check. My personal favorites: Piel Morena, Confieso and Tonight I'll Love You Slowly.

If you get it I'll give you a cookie. Or something else. I might hold a contest or something. :) BUY IT NOW!

I arrived on Sunday morning from Miami. My humor wasn't the best one since I was being forced to go to Juan Dolio. I wasn't really in the mood but knowing my mom needed the escapade from her daily surge of activities so I went on anyway. Luckily for me I had bought several movies and series to keep myself busy. All I wanted to do was stay cooped up close to the nearest DVD player and watch the day away. I had things to look forward to on Monday. My puppy would be home, I would see my friends and maybe I could go to the movies. Around 4pm, without any particular reason, I started to get angry. I was violent and resented and feeling about ready to cry. A part of my life was being ripped away from me and I didn't understand what the hell it was. I thought it might be the fact that I wanted to go home and no one wanted to. Or maybe my period. We ended up leaving around midnight much to my chagrin.

At night, I couldn't sleep. I was anxious and angry and wanting to slam things around in my room. I am never like this. I never want to destroy anything because of the value they hold to me but last night nothing mattered to me. Everything seemed so pointless and mundane. I still couldn't find a reason but something didn't feel right.

This morning, the anger hadn't subsided by the time I went to open the store. I hadn't been there for more than 10 minutes when my sister calls me up and tells me to come home. She needs my help doing some bridal errands. It didn't sound very tempting. She told to come home quickly. I guessed the bridal party couldn't find their shoes or something.

Didn't take me a lot of time to figure out something was terribly wrong. My sister was teary eyed and my brother-in-law was in my mom's room (weird weird). My sister sobbed as she walked to me and told me that Suki, my beloved little 15 year old yorkie, had passed away.

It didn't hit me right away. I looked at them surprised. Surely they must be joking. Before I could ask any question, I broke down. I shook my head as the tears spilled from my eyes. My baby. My baby had left this world. My baby had left and I wasn't by her side. I couldn't breathe. They held me tightly but I didn't know what else to do other than cry and wallow in the bitterness of realizing that my only support was gone. My darling baby that greeted me every day after I came home, who always followed me around no matter how slow she walked just so I never felt lonely, who loved to be belly-rubbed and look at me with inquisitive eyes. My companion for 15 long years, who shared my ups and downs and filled me with undying and selfless love and taught me the real meaning of patience.

Myriam can over to visit me and was a total sweetie, completely distracting me. To be honest... I was in denial. Complete and utter denial. My mind filled with possibilities. 'Maybe she's just in the vet and she'll come back just fine. It'll be three dogs instead of two when they come home. I can't wait to see her. My sweetie.'

My sister came up to me, dressed in black and white and told me they had already picked her up. She was in this little wooden box. They told me not to see her because she died with her eyes open. I couldn't stop wishing that I would've been there for her over and over. I couldn't stop staring at her little box. I couldn't stop wishing to hold her in my arms and whisper my good-bye.

Her grave was next to my sister's first yorkie, Twinky, her real love. It was in an empty lot with scattered yellow butterflies. Even if there was a main street crossing a few feet away I couldn't hear cars. I couldn't hear anything that wasn't the man with the shovel as we laid my baby to rest, saying a mixed up prayer in my mind, hoping against religion that God is as generous as I know he is as he holds her against him, knowing she's a bit afraid of being in new places. He'll pet her gently on the neck and kiss the top of her head, telling her that there's nothing to be afraid of. He sets her down and she takes a few steps, realizing that there is no more pain, realizing that she can see again, realizing that she can run. An old friend wags his tail excitedly, he had been waiting for her for a very long time. Now there were finally together.

While I am here, left behind, feeling hollow and incomplete.

Thanks for everyone's sweet messages in this entry and the previous. I really appreciate them. <3 Thanks to my friends for spending their day with me even if I was slightly non-responsive at first. Thank you all for being patient and incredibly sweet.

I'll grant myself the little that is left of today to be selfish and cry my heart out. Maybe tomorrow I'll be stronger or maybe not. Maybe tomorrow the denial would be farther set in me. Maybe I will dream of her running to me and allowing me to hold her one last time. I should be so lucky.

This little bit makes me feel a bit better.

RAINBOW BRIDGE
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially
close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our
special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine,
and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old
are restored to health and vigor;
those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again,
just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing;
they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes
when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance.
His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group,
flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend
finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion,
never to be parted again.
The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet,
so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.

...Author unknown...


Suki
6/22/93 - 7/13/08

My dog died.

I combed all the Disney stores in the Miami area for a frickin' Wall-E watch. It's all I really wanted seriously. And I still hadn't found one by this time so I opted for the next best thing. Ordering it off the internet and it looks so cute! I can't wait to have my hands on it.

Off to pack now. And yes, I finally have a Wall-E icon. ~love~

Welcome July and welcome my yet again failed attempt at creating an expenses sheet for myself. My money does disappear somewhere. This might've actually let me know where that place is. Guess I am just too lazy to know or care at this point.

I am at Miami right now with my aunt to visit a chiropractor. I've always wanted to see how it's done, the whole twisting and pulling fiasco. My first hand experience is tomorrow at 11am and I am ridiculously excited.

While waiting on the plane I started reading "Rockabye" by Rebecca Woolf. I bought the book mainly because I love her blog and while it is strange for me to connect with an experience that I haven't gone through in the least, I love her narrative. She's grounded and real. But most of all, she's doesn't hide the fact that she's afraid and doesn't know what the hell she's doing but she knows she wants to go through with it. I feel identified. I am always scared. I am terrified most of the time. And when I sit here to write, I am terrified too. What if I have nothing interesting to write? Who says people will read about a young girl who is trying to be a writer? Who says anyone will care about my doubts and fears? What if it doesn't work out? I don't know if this is right or wrong, if dreams are worth chasing. After all, they're not tangible. There is no guarantee that you'll get what you want.

So what keeps us going? Is it really just blind faith... that keeps us swimming through the piling rejections, with our head up high as we polish the manuscript time after time. But it's so tempting to give up, to stop trying, to stop sending queries and stop wasting our time on exhausted dreams. To 'grow up' and get our act together, meshing into what others qualify as 'normal'.

I've never wanted to be normal. Quiet, peaceful, sweet and fun, yes. But never normal. Never part of the gray coats and the shapeless shoes. I am crazy enough to want to make a living out of something I love and something that injects passion into my veins. I am just not ready to give up.

On a completely unrelated note, I lovedlovedlovedloved WALL-E! Go see it. It's just so beautiful. And yes, you can expect a WALL-E icon very soon ;) And also I tasted the most decadent thing EVER, the Godiva S'Mores. ~DIES~ It was so delicious it almost makes the $3.25 price tag seem inconsequential.

My eyes hurt. I have slept 8 hours in the past two days and all that is keeping me awake right now is my trusty box of Corn Pops. It's this same lack of sleep that has made me acquire a (I think I heard the word "free" thrown in there) membership with a courier. They basically facilitate me with an US address for any of my shopping or mailing needs. I already use my mother's membership in another company and so far it's been good. Now I have a Plan B apparently. We'll make history together. My inability to say "no" and I.

I want to read some good young adult books but I haven't had any luck finding something that catches my interest. Any reccomendations?

We got another request for a partial! Oh happy day! :)

I want this. I really do. I will find a way to have it. :3

I loved, absolutely ADORED the movie Speed Racer! ~flails~ and thanks to that, I got myself a new icon. Hihi.

It was way above and beyond all my expectations. With all the nasty reviews around the net I was bracing myself for the worst though I maintained a faint glimmer of hope. I saw the first 8 minutes online and I was like "omg! must see!". There is no way these people could screw Speed up. This had been my introduction to anime, Speed was one of my first crushes and overall, I have a very soft spot for it in my heart. And I am very happy to say it is excellent. It was super fun, quirky, action-packed and leaves you breathless. I came out of the movies practically jumping and pumped with adrenaline. I wanted more! I don't care what the reviewers say -trust me Rotten Tomatoes is no longer a reliable source- I recommend you go see it. And I am obsessed with the awesome theme song remix! It literally kept me awake, dancing around like some sort of maniac. Oh the fun~

On other news... Borders.com exists now.

This is just disturbing. I really can't believe this is an actual contract. Be careful!

Suki is sick. It's early so maybe my mind is fucked up and I can't write correctly so bear with me. But she's not fine. She's going around in circles, panting and bumping into furniture. It scares me to think she had another seizure. I'm waiting until 7:30 to take her to the vet. I'm anxious. I know she's old and I know another stroke is anything but good but that doesn't stop me from praying. I'm scared.

ETA: Left her at the vet. Seems it was a heat spell, not to mention she is losing her sight rapidly. I think it wasn't a stroke afterall which is quite a relief.
ETA2: She's back at home. They just sent some multivitamin paste. She slept with me and seems good.

On my routine of stalking agent blogs on a daily basis, I found this very insightful post by Scott Hoffman. Which led me to another interesting article by Scott as well. I won't deny I am a bit blindsided by it but I find it extremely educational. I guess I've had it drilled in my mind that Writer's Conferences don't really do much considering they overcharge and are poorly structured and likewise poorly organized. I would love to know your opinion on this. Have you ever gone to one? Are they helpful?

In two days we hit our month mark with our first batch of postal queries. We've decided to not send out the equeries until June 1st to wait a bit more and also, hopefully obtain a response by then.

On other news...

I.HATE.ELECTIONS. Only in this little itty bitty piece of a country does election time mean horrible traffic jams, blisteringly loud music and inability to do anything but stay rooted in one place until the people clear the streets. Imagine an ant colony if you will. They take over one of the most transited avenues in the city. They close it and throw a big party to disrupt neighbors and angry drivers alike. Makes me think if they actually believe that the loudest always wins. What makes this worse for me is that one of the closing parties is horribly near my workplace. So getting out of here to get to college on time will be quite an experience. As it is, on a regular non-elections-are-on-friday day, I take about 30 minutes to get to college. Hopefully my car will sprout wings by then.

You can't even watch tv without being bombarded with stupid political propaganda. If they did count abstinence here, I would not vote. I don't like any of the candidates here... and if only we voted for someone that actually DID something. No. It's all a matter of "I'll vote for him because my aunt is in the government" or "I'll vote for him because he gave me chicken and salami" or "I'll vote for him because he gave me money". Sad but true. These are the basis for an actual vote. I guess we all have our own idiosyncrasies.

The good thing about this is that I don't have to work tomorrow after midday. Whoo-hoo. Tons of Zelda and Mario Kart for me :D

Movie news. The new Speed Racer movie is getting horrible reviews. That got me sad. I hope they didn't really ruin it... I'll have their heads for dinner I swear. Whatever the ratings, I'll go see it whenever it deigns to hit theaters here. Saw Ironman. A+.

While Santo Domingo graced it's citizens with a particular musky, humid day, the government decided to make us have a taste of the frequent power outages that are yet to come. I am not particularly fond of my clothes clinging to me while I am at work but it's part of living here. That and the cars-turned-giant-megaphones-for-political-promotion. God I hate those. And they are especially vexing when you are in the middle of a traffic jam and they are playing this really annoying music so loud that the windows in your car shake. No kidding. I really can't wait for all the elections to just END. If it wasn't because they don't tabulate the abstinence in voters then trust me, I wouldn't even bother because there isn't one candidate worth his salt. But enough about politics.

I got home today relatively late. I have been out all day since 9 AM between work, errands and university. After such a strenuous day I am practically on the verge of teleporting to my room to just relax and sleep. After my daily dose of Friends, it's off Morpheus arms. You can imagine my surprise when I find that my family had used my room as a hang out area. Forgive me and my anal-retentive ways, but there is nothing more irritating for me to find that my room has been used -when I am not present- and that there are crummies all over my bed! I mean there are living rooms, dining rooms, other bedrooms to go and munch on. Why MINE? My haven! I get happy so easily (plushies, mail), do they need to get me angry equally quickly by USING my space?

Breathe in. Breathe out.

On the good side, one of my errands consisted in going to the mail courier to see if the USPS had finally decided to stop fucking me over and actually delivered the stamps I had ordered in March. I was ready to take home yet another bag of mom mail when HUZZAH! There they were! The stamps are FINALLY here! After waiting and waiting and polishing our query, the stamps for the frickin' SASE have decided to make an appearance~

Before you think I am some kind of moron, our postal service sucks. Or at least it did back when I used it. Everything here is so frickin' complicated to send out. Even getting stamps feels like you're giving birth to quintuplets! But none of that matters when I have everything ready and pretty and waiting. Between this and cristalmarie's CD launch, April is not as bad as it started.

AND I bought chocolate chip cookies :3

I've been going through a very long and arduous search for pretty icons. To be honest, it's the first time I've been so concerned about them. But they do add personality to any journal. I found really beautiful ones though I could only upload a very selected few. Haven't filled my limit yet. I am just so selective ><

Can't remember exactly where I read it but I came across a very particular term that to be honest, I didn't even know existed. Reader's block. I am very familiar with the feeling though. It's basically when you reach a point in your life that you just hate books. I used to devour two books a week to say the least, nowadays, I'm lucky if I can get through one in a month. Though trust me, I am not happy about it. I feel I have let myself down because of this. You would think that my book-reading adversion would keep me away from Borders. So I don't read and the books keep piling up in my teeny tiny bookshelf.

This article says it has to do with the fact that we have exhausted the left side of our brain and we need to use the right side more. You know, watch movies and listen to music. I guess some part of me is lazier than I thought because that's all I do lately. Watch movies and television series. It numbs out my brain. It's good, I think it over-thinks itself into exhaustion.

I admit that the only books I've been reading involve the writing craft. Getting published, searching for the perfect agent, plot points... you name it, I've read all about it. So recreational reading went down the pooper.

Well yesterday I decided to end my recreational reading hiatus and I picked up "The Last Unicorn" by Peter S. Beagle. I plan to start reading tonight before going to bed. Let's see how that goes :)

I've been blogging since 2001 but abandoned it around 2006 for no particular reason. Now I'm back and equally confused as to what to write. Though it's fun to be back. Dollying up journals, getting pretty pictures and overall creating my internet nest is quite comforting for a half-child of the internet age. Among many life-changing decisions, I'm on the bumpy road to become a writer. Eek! Just writing it gets me all tingly and excited. Along with the fact that my website is almost complete :) When it comes to the current state of affairs in the writing world, I just finished a novel co-written with cristalmarie.

The ball's almost rolling...